“Could Ending Birthright Citizenship Change the American Dream Forever?”
As the Justice Department takes a hardline stance to “vigorously defend” President Trump’s controversial executive order to revoke citizenship for U.S.-born children of undocumented immigrants, a federal judge has thrown a temporary wrench in the works. In the midst of this constitutional chaos, The Onion steps in to unpack the hilariously absurd pros and cons of dismantling birthright citizenship. But isn’t the real question: How do we balance the solemnity of citizenship with the whims of political theater? With tongue firmly in cheek, let’s dive into the satirical arguments for and against this audacious move—spoiler alert: it might involve a fancy hat store! LEARN MORE.The Justice Department has vowed to “vigorously defend” President Donald Trump’s executive order ending citizenship for U.S.-born children of undocumented immigrants after a federal judge temporarily blocked it. The Onion examines the pros and cons of ending birthright citizenship.
PRO: A solid start to ending all rights
CON: Class of stateless refugees might not buy as many laundry pods
PRO: New legal obligation to hate kids
CON: Would reduce supply of cheap infant laborers
PRO: Saves immigrants embarrassment of associating themselves with America
CON: Harder to lure mail-order bride
PRO: Stops the Norwegian diaspora in its tracks
CON: Mixing up babies at hospital no longer fun, victimless prank
PRO: Statue of Liberty can become a fancy hat store
CON: Cruel, if you consider that a con
