“Defiant Deli Lover: Why One Man’s Controversial Choice Ignites Questions Amid Listeria Fears”
In the face of a nationwide listeria outbreak, one Pittsburgh man has demonstrated what it truly means to embrace the deli lifestyle—come hell or high water, or even a foodborne illness. Meet Craig Landers, a self-appointed hoagie hero who has chosen to soldier on with his salami sandwiches, unabated by the health risks swirling around him. I mean, who needs a food safety warning when there could be a sale on Boar’s Head products, right? As he cheerily strolled into his kitchen for his second deli delight of the day, fever be damned, one can’t help but wonder—how far would you go for the perfect roast beef? Is the allure of a cold cut so powerful that it can overshadow a deadly outbreak? As Craig currently finds himself in the hospital, still dreaming of a deli platter, it seems the answer is a resounding yes. So buckle up, because this tale of culinary courage (or culinary confusion) gets wild!
PITTSBURGH—Putting on a brave face and carrying on with his regularly scheduled hoagie consumption habits Friday, local man Craig Landers was reportedly continuing amid the nationwide listeria outbreak to eat deli meat as if nothing had happened. “Hmm, a listeria outbreak? I wonder if that means all the Boar’s Head is on sale now,” said Landers, who stood up from the sofa upon seeing a story about the fatal outbreak and walked into the kitchen to prepare himself his second salami sandwich of the day. “They’ll definitely be trying to offload it now. Unless they do something stupid like throw it all away? My God, I better run out to the store before it’s too late. I’m kind of running a fever, but to be honest, it’s only making me crave roast beef more.” At press time, sources reported a hospitalized Landers was asking his nurse if the cafeteria had any cold cuts.
The post Listeria Outbreak Prompts Man To Continue Eating Deli Meat Like Nothing Wrong appeared first on The Onion.
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