Deity Under Wraps: God Enters Secret Protection Program Following Harrowing Murder Witness
“Do I miss sitting on a lotus flower all day, entirely at one with the universe’s profound stillness? Of course,” said Ron D. Polacheck, the Buddhist being of infinite compassion formerly known as Avalokiteśhvara, who now travels the world speaking to audiences about his decades spent in hiding. “From the second you sign that agreement, you’re just some regular jerk. Nothing tastes as good. Your neighbors don’t know that you used to be somebody big, someone really important. You keep asking yourself, ‘What the hell am I doing working at a hardware store? I’m the Awakened One, for Christ’s sake.’ But it beats getting tracked down by those lunatics in the Medellín Cartel.”
“Plus, once you get used to it, Kenosha isn’t so bad,” the awakened one added.
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