“Discover the Heartwarming Images That Will Instantly Restore Your Faith in Humanity!”
Psychologist Konstantin Lukin, PhD, claims that suppressing negative emotions only makes them bigger and worse. “Avoiding negative emotions reinforces this idea: Because you avoid feeling them, you tell yourself that you don’t need to pay attention to them. While you are trapped in this cycle, these emotions become bigger and more significant as they remain unprocessed.”
Lukin also invites us not to divide emotions into ‘good’ and ‘bad.’ Yes, some of them make us feel good and others make us feel bad, but all emotions perform a function. They help us make sense of things. If you’re sad about leaving a workplace, it probably means that you’re going to miss it; you might’ve made some friends there and have some nice memories.
Sometimes, when we comfort or encourage people, we might veer into the toxic positivity realm. We say things like “Everything happens for a reason” and “You have to look for the silver lining.” Clinical psychologist Jamie Long told CNN that this kind of talk dismisses the person’s feelings.
We try to offer perspective, but what people need when they’re down is validation. Long and her colleague Samara Quintero offer some things to say to truly comfort someone else, like “This is really hard, I’m thinking of you” or “I’m here for you, good or bad.”
“Sometimes we just need to say ‘Yeah, me too,’ or ‘That makes total sense,'” Long explained further. “It’s allowing someone to express something that’s authentic, even if it’s uncomfortable or even if it’s hard to hear.” Basically, it’s better to offer a person a shoulder to cry on than try to solve their problems.
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