“Discover the Surprising New Relief: Tylenol’s Extra-Strength Fainting Couch Revolutionizes Comfort for Feverish Women!”
Is there anything more elegantly absurd than a fainting couch being marketed as a quick fix for the “hysteria” of modern women? I mean, why go for simple remedies when you can just lie back and drape your hand over your forehead? Tylenol has jumped into the fray, introducing an extra-strength fainting couch to soothe those pesky symptoms of delirium. It’s not just a piece of furniture, folks; it’s a declaration that emotional distress can be elegantly addressed with velvet and finery! And apparently, it’s already the top choice among the medical community for battling those mysterious “vapors.” If you’re feeling a bit overwhelmed, just remember: you can grab this chaise longue and claim your well-deserved six-hour escape—because nothing says self-care like a good dramatic faint! Curious about how this whimsical product could revolutionize your living room? LEARN MORE.
MONTGOMERY, NJ—Touting faster relief from the symptoms of delirium common to women, Tylenol introduced a new extra-strength fainting couch Thursday for use by feverish consumers. “This fast-acting chaise longue promises instant relief from agonizing hysteria,†said Victoria Holmes, a spokesperson for Tylenol parent company Kenvue, adding that it was already the No. 1 doctor-recommended piece of furniture for patients in the throes of female mania. “Simply drape one hand over your forehead and lie back on the fever-reducing velvet divan for up to six hours of reprieve from the mental turmoil that comes with having no control over one’s emotions. Also suitable for treating aches and pains caused by a too-tight corset or injury from a dizzy spell.†Holmes added that in serious cases of the vapors, it was safe to combine with other remedies, such as having someone shake one’s shoulders while yelling, “Snap out of it!”
The post Tylenol Introduces New Extra-Strength Fainting Couch For Feverish Women appeared first on The Onion.
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