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Ioana Rotaru also recommends asking yourself: “Why do I struggle to advocate for my needs?”, “Why do I so easily sacrifice my needs for work?”, and “What part does perfectionism play in how I work?” “The answers to these questions would tell us the boundaries we need to set,” the therapist explains.
The trauma and relationship therapist points out that we often ignore the signs of one emotional regulation system when we’re stressed. “When we are going through work stress, two emotional regulation systems are activated: the threat system (our fight or flight response) and the drive system (our achievement and reward response),” she explains. “But a third one, the soothing system is often ignored, and we need to increase the level of activation of this system.”
The easier way to activate our soothing system is to regulate our nervous system. We can do that through such tactics as soothing rhythm breathing or safe place imagery. “It can also be activated through sensory comfort and grounding, such as walking in nature or warm baths, weighted blankets, or massages, connection with others or animals as well as engaging in creative in playful activities” Rotaru adds.
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“The more we increase the activation of the [soothing] system, the more we decrease the threat system, thus managing stress,” the therapist explains. She also emphasizes how practicing self-care can prevent burnout. “If we are too much in the drive system without soothing, we can end up with burnout, so, implementing self-care is crucial.”
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