Duke Bookstore Rocked as Cooper Flagg’s Agent Pulls Off Surprising Textbook Buyback Power Move

When’s the last time you saw a sports agent threaten a bookstore employee with “scorched earth” warfare over the price of a used Psych 101 textbook? Well, apparently, today’s NCAA stars need more savvy in the buyback hustle than they do on the court—and apparently, more legal representation, too . I mean, sure, college sports is all business, but have we really reached the point where a macroeconomics book gets its own negotiation clause? Here’s the million-dollar question (inflation aside): If Cooper Flagg deserves a 10% bump on his dog-eared textbooks, what should you be demanding for that copy of “Earth: A Physical Geology” still rocking a pristine CD-ROM? Now, if only Duke’s dining plan were as negotiable as their bookstore “offers”—maybe we’d all be walking around with three tacos and a drink . Buckle up, because this is one power play that leaves even the most seasoned SEO strategists raising an eyebrow in awe—and possibly regretting the major they picked twenty years ago . <a href="https://theonion.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/05/CooperFlagsAgentNIBIHA_GR.jpg”>LEARN MORE

DURHAM, NC—Threatening to have his client sit out the rest of the academic semester unless he was paid what he’s worth, Cooper Flagg’s agent Austin Brown negotiated a 10% increase Monday in textbook buyback value for the NCAA star from the Duke University bookstore. “This Intro to Psychology textbook is top-of-the-line, and we aren’t budging on this, so don’t spit in our face with this weak-ass $25 offer when you know Cooper is worth $27.50,” Brown said to an English literature grad student working part time at the bookstore, explaining that Duke must not understand the asses Flagg puts in seats if they aren’t will to accept a macroeconomics textbook that is clearly only lightly used. “I will burn your whole life down okay? I will go scorched earth. Who the hell has heard of Duke University anyway? I hear North Carolina is paying $40 for Earth: A Physical Geology. It still has the accompanying CD-ROM in the back, for Christ’s sake. This is the 2018 edition, and these babies are still crisp as the day he got them. That better become $44 real quick, or we’re walking. And at least look my client in the face while you’re trying to fuck him.” At press time, Brown had also secured Flagg a complimentary third taco and fountain drink at the Duke dining hall.