Educator Stunned After Learning Salary Isn’t Included With Teaching Job

Ever tried to pay your rent with leftover PTA bingo money? No? Well, maybe we just aren’t dreaming big enough . If you’ve ever wondered what happens when public schools run so low on cash that even the coffee fund dries up, buckle up—because apparently, being an educator now means holding down two jobs: teaching multiplication tables and, uh, funding your own salary . Is this modern education, or are we just playing an extremely sad game of Monopoly where “passing Go” gets you a handful of cafeteria pizza burgers and the hope that the janitor won’t notice you camping out under your desk? There’s something wildly surreal, almost da-da, about reading stories like Patricia Harper’s—where getting fired actually boosts your bank account . Need a fresh reason to grab your hat and run for the hills, or at least the private sector? Get ready to laugh so you don’t cry—public education just got its own punchline . <a href="https://theonion.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/02/MoreTeachersRequired-NIB-PH-R.jpg”>LEARN MORE

BALTIMORE—As public schools across the country increasingly face budget shortfalls, educators like Patricia Harper, a fifth-grade teacher in Baltimore, have reportedly found it more necessary than ever to provide their own salaries. “I’m committed to coming into this classroom every day and helping my students learn, but in order to do this, I’m now required to dip into my own pocket to cover my annual income,” said the 10-year veteran of Baltimore City Public Schools, a district with more than 5,000 teachers who together would need to come up with an estimated $340 million to meet their annual salary requirements. “While the PTA has held some fundraisers to pitch in, I unfortunately can’t make rent with the $23 they gave each teacher from the proceeds of bingo night. Still, I’m hopeful I can stretch the funds I have until the end of the school year, so long as the custodian doesn’t catch me sleeping under my desk or swiping pizza burgers from the cafeteria for dinner.” At press time, sources confirmed the elementary school where Harper worked had laid her off, dramatically improving her financial stability.