“Elon Musk Discovers a Shocking Secret: Why Voter Influence Costs Pennies in the Heartland!”

Elon Musk has a knack for making headlines, but his latest comments might just take the cake—or should I say, the bribe? In a recent jaunt to Wisconsin, amid a heated Supreme Court race, the tech mogul marveled at the astonishingly low costs of influencing voters in the Midwest. It seems he discovered that purchasing democracy can be quite the bargain here, especially when you can stretch your dollars further than in those notoriously pricey coastal states. Who knew that for just $2 million, you could snag an impressive number of votes and still have plenty left over for, well, some extravagant aspirations—like creating your own government? Musk’s whimsical musings raise an eyebrow: is there a new variety of buy-one-get-one-free democracy on the horizon? Dive into the bizarre world where business strategies meet electoral politics and find out just how far a billionaire’s dreams can go in rural America. <a href="https://theonion.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/03/ElonMuskAmazedNIBG_PH.jpg” >LEARN MORE.

MADISON, WI—Amid his political action committee’s campaign to influence a closely contested Wisconsin Supreme Court election, Elon Musk told reporters Friday that he was amazed by how much cheaper bribing voters was in the Midwest. “I knew there was a lower cost of bribing out here, but I didn’t expect to find this many votes for essentially nothing,” said Musk, wondering aloud why anybody would continue to buy elections in coastal states given what they could get for $2 million in parts of Wisconsin, Indiana, and Illinois. “It’s amazing how far your money goes in subverting democracy in this part of the country. Don’t get me wrong, Wisconsin can’t really compare to the amenities that a city like New York offers with its easy access to Eric Adams, but out here, I can push through three times as many measures favorable to my businesses as I could back in California. Plus, I have all this money left over to spend on indulgences like spreading pro-Russia propaganda and bolstering far-right candidates in Germany.” At press time, Musk reportedly daydreamed about buying a large, low-cost plot of land in rural Wisconsin where he could someday build his own dream government.