Elon Musk Reveals Surprising Reason for Stepping Away From Fatherhood

Is Elon Musk finally putting his fatherhood ambitions in “sleep mode”—or just running out of battery? I mean, with a résumé rivaling a Bond villain and a child-naming track record that reads like my WiFi passwords, it’s no surprise he’s decided to take a step back from parenting. But isn’t it wild to think that for the world’s most famous multitasker, apparently even the Tesla of dads needs a reboot? Personally, I can’t help but marvel at the idea of Musk allocating more bandwidth to his companies now that he’s wrapping up “Project Bloodline.” Maybe this is what happens when your kids reach the age where their only advice for you is to please stop tweeting. Want a closer look at Musk’s parenting handbrake moment? <a href="https://theonion.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/05/ElonMuskAnnounces-NIB-PH.jpg”>LEARN MORE

AUSTIN, TX—Proclaiming that he had “done enough,” billionaire Elon Musk confirmed Thursday that he would be taking a step back from fatherhood. “I’ve accomplished all I really intended to accomplish as a father—spreading my seed, preserving my bloodline—and now I can spend more time focusing on other things,” said Musk, who told reporters that after pouring millions of dollars and sperm cells into the project, he was ready to scale that number back to zero. “I need to get my priorities in line. Fatherhood distracted me from what really matters, which is running Tesla. If I see a reason to do it in the future, I’ll do it, but currently, I don’t see a reason.” At press time, sources revealed that Musk’s decision may have been motivated by falling popularity among his children.