“Elon Musk’s Eye-Opening Discovery: The Shocking Cost of Voter Influence in the Heartland!”

In the wild world of politics, where the currency of influence often resembles a high-stakes game of Monopoly, it looks like Elon Musk just found the Midwest’s version of Boardwalk at a garage sale price! Amid campaigns swirling around the Wisconsin Supreme Court election, Musk delightedly shared his surprise at how much simpler—and cheaper—it is to, let’s say, “encourage” voters in this part of the country. It’s almost as if he’s stumbled upon a direct line to the voting booth for mere pennies compared to the pricey coastal states. Who knew democracy could be such a budget-friendly venture? With provocative remarks on the perks of Wisconsin over cities like New York—where he navigates a different kind of political landscape—Musk seems to be contemplating building his own little utopia in rural America. So, what’s the moral here: Is it high time we all headed Midwest for some political finagling at a discount? There’s some serious food for thought! And if you want to delve further into Musk’s unconventional musings, you can <a href="https://theonion.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/03/ElonMuskAmazedNIBG_PH.jpg”>LEARN MORE.

MADISON, WI—Amid his political action committee’s campaign to influence a closely contested Wisconsin Supreme Court election, Elon Musk told reporters Friday that he was amazed by how much cheaper bribing voters was in the Midwest. “I knew there was a lower cost of bribing out here, but I didn’t expect to find this many votes for essentially nothing,” said Musk, wondering aloud why anybody would continue to buy elections in coastal states given what they could get for $2 million in parts of Wisconsin, Indiana, and Illinois. “It’s amazing how far your money goes in subverting democracy in this part of the country. Don’t get me wrong, Wisconsin can’t really compare to the amenities that a city like New York offers with its easy access to Eric Adams, but out here, I can push through three times as many measures favorable to my businesses as I could back in California. Plus, I have all this money left over to spend on indulgences like spreading pro-Russia propaganda and bolstering far-right candidates in Germany.” At press time, Musk reportedly daydreamed about buying a large, low-cost plot of land in rural Wisconsin where he could someday build his own dream government.