“Family Feud Erupts: Did a Shocking Baby Name Reveal Drive Me to Leave the Hospital?”
“In general, my rule is this: relationships matter more than names,” Sandel says. “The most hurtful situations are ones like the Reddit user’s: you have a favorite name, and someone who is supposed to care about you learns that name—especially if it’s uncommon—and then uses it without considering your feelings.”
“A coincidence hurts. Intentionally taking the name is a whole other level of ouch.”
Sandel suggests there are several steps you can take if you think the baby name you want to use might cause an issue. If you’re determined to use the name, even if it might strain a relationship, she recommends giving the person a heads-up.
“In this case, you’re not asking for permission, but you are giving the other person time to prepare,” she explains. “For example: ‘I know you’ve always loved the name Jack, but it’s my husband’s grandfather’s name, and since he just passed, we feel strongly this is meant to be our son’s name.’”
Alternatively, if you’re open to considering someone else’s feelings, it’s a good idea to ask. “Maybe you have two favorite names, and you’d prefer Emma… but you’d go with Sophie if it avoids hurting your sister-in-law,” Sandel notes. “In that case, you could say, ‘We’d really like to name our baby Emma, but I know you’ve mentioned how much you love it for a future daughter.’ In a perfect world, she’ll respond like Monica Geller on Friends and be thrilled that you’re using such a great name.”
Sandel’s heart breaks for the OP on Reddit. “The new mom could’ve chosen a different name—or at the very least, told her sister privately before announcing it to everyone else.”
