Family Secrets Exposed: The Mysterious Cycle of Parental Feuds With Every Aunt

Ever wondered if family drama just comes standard-issue with adulthood, like spam emails or seasonal allergies? I used to think my own relatives had cornered the market on holding grudges—until I read about Melissa Maynard’s parents in Chicopee, MA . Turns out, nothing screams “family bonding” quite like rotating feuds with every aunt in the tri-state area . Shrimp cocktails, snowblowers, and grudges festering since 1995 (seriously, that wedding snub has legs)—it’s a sitcom too wild for TV. But let’s be real, wouldn’t life feel empty without petty vendettas over appetizers? If you’re ready to reflect on your own family’s “quirks” (or just want to feel better about them), you have to see how this all unfolds. LEARN MORE

CHICOPEE, MA—Saying that she couldn’t recall a time of familial peace since the early ’90s, area woman Melissa Maynard confirmed Wednesday that her parents were actively feuding with at least one aunt at all times. “If they’re not fighting with Aunt Linda, then they’re definitely badmouthing Aunt Michelle,” said Maynard, explaining that the most recent dispute began when Aunt Michelle refused to chip in for the shrimp cocktail appetizer ordered for a family gathering at a restaurant. “But before this, my parents didn’t talk to Aunt Linda for a whole year because they were mad that she inherited my grandfather’s snowblower instead of Mom. And now all of a sudden they’re taking a vacation to visit her in Cincinnati like nothing ever happened. I bet that as soon as they patch things up with Aunt Michelle, they’ll reignite the long-standing argument they’ve been having with Aunt Susan ever since she declined to invite them to her small wedding in 1995.” At press time, Maynard announced that her parents were feuding with all three aunts simultaneously.