Father Left Shocked by Unexpected Power of Mower in Bizarre Backyard Accident

Have you ever noticed how dads have an uncanny ability to be way too impressed by household tools—even when those tools get a little…well, overzealous? I’ve seen a man brag about his leaf blower like it’s a rocket engine, but nothing quite prepares you for the moment Frank Hoyer, in all his suburban splendor, admires his new lawn mower for slicing effortlessly right through his son’s leg. There’s a certain magic in the way he marvels at horsepower and mulching capacity, blood and all—like this could be the next big thing on QVC if the producers were a tad less squeamish. It’s the kind of darkly hilarious, jaw-dropping scenario that really begs the question: when does ‘dad pride’ cross into felony territory? If you enjoy taking the “dad gets a new toy” trope to its grotesque (and oddly endearing) limits, you’re in for a treat—read the full absurd saga here: <a href="https://theonion.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/05/DadImpressedNIBIHAGR-copy.jpg”>LEARN MORE.

DANBURY, CT—Expressing immense satisfaction with the recently purchased device’s performance, area dad Frank Hoyer confirmed Friday that he was impressed by how easily a new lawn mower tore through his son Alan’s leg. “Look at this thing go—didn’t even hiccup gliding through all that tibia!” Hoyer said as he wiped a streak of blood from his brow, adding that he reckoned the machine could have handled a leg twice as large as his son’s without any difficulty. “Boy, you can really feel that extra horsepower at work. All that bone and sinew would have been way too much for our old mower to handle. I doubt it could have made it past your ankle. But this beaut handled that big, bony kneecap no problem, nice and smooth. And that high-capacity bag could probably hold a couple dozen more legs before I’d ever have to empty it! Sorry, pal, but I can’t take you to the hospital just yet. I’ve got to see what else this baby can do!” At press time, Hoyer reportedly asked his son to stick out his other leg so he could show off the lawn mower’s power to their neighbor Jim.