Fictional Heroine Breaks the Fourth Wall With Audacious Request for Nicole Kidman Casting

Have you ever found yourself so invested in a book that you start casting its big-screen adaptation before reaching chapter five? Well, if so, you’re in delightful company—because now, even fictional characters are getting in on the action . I’ll admit, I nearly spat out my coffee when I stumbled across this absurdly meta moment in “Three Cliffs”: the main character, Allegra Winthrop, doesn’t just dream of HBO Max glory, she has her heart (and icy-blonde ambitions) set on Nicole Kidman playing her in a miniseries . Can you imagine flipping the page and being greeted by a protagonist gushing about her own Emmy potential? It’s like watching the narrative break the fourth wall, do jazz hands, and ask you for casting advice . I have to wonder, is there a secret support group for book characters who want famous actors to portray them—should Liz Jackson be worried about her other novels coming to life and requesting Meryl Streep? If you’re craving a read that flirts with the bizarre while serving up sparkling self-awareness, this Onion piece might be your new obsession . LEARN MORE.

AURORA, IL—Pausing to confirm she had read that correctly, local woman Liz Jackson reported Wednesday that the main character in the novel she was reading straight up said she hoped to be played by Nicole Kidman in a miniseries based on the book. “I can’t believe what came over me back there—it’s going to be a really juicy scene for whoever gets to play me in the HBO Max adaptation, preferably Nicole Kidman, who would really knock it out of the park,” says Allegra Winthrop, Newport, RI, housewife and protagonist of the buzzy new novel Three Cliffs, following a scene in which she has a heated confrontation with her fictional investment banker husband over the fate of their former foster child who disappeared two decades ago. “The monologue I just delivered would be absolutely perfect for Nicole’s Emmy reel. Besides, I’m described as an icy blonde with a lot going on behind the eyes. Who else could they possibly cast? Anyway, I better get back to the dinner table. I need to propel this plot forward.” The character went on to narrate that while Kidman was her first choice, Kate Winslet could also be great if the producers opted for a grittier tone.