Fox Host Pete Hegseth Ponders the Unthinkable: Can Uranium Really Spice Up Your Drink?

Ever stared at your liquor cabinet after a marathon day and thought, “You know what’s missing? A little nuclear flair”? Well, Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth just raised the “hard day at the office” bar by wondering if uranium might be the ultimate gin mixer—and honestly, who among us hasn’t craved a cocktail that glows even brighter than our questionable life choices? As wild as it sounds, there’s something weirdly relatable about fantasizing over the perfect drink, even if the ingredient list reads like a prohibited items manifest at LAX . Would uranium blend smoothly, or would it just sink like your New Year’s resolutions by February? Dive in for a dazzling swirl of military-grade thirst, questionable mixology, and a very specific take on beverage innovation . LEARN MORE

WASHINGTON—Growing increasingly contemplative as he fantasized about a stiff drink after a long day at work, Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth reportedly wondered Monday whether uranium might make a good mixer. “I feel like it could bring out the more chemical notes of gin in a really nice way without overpowering it,” said the Pentagon chief, conceding that it might be difficult to blend the substances due to the metallic element’s density being about 20 times greater than most liquors. “I hate when a drink separates, and the mixer just sits on the bottom, and then you get a big glob of it at the end. That’s what happened in that thorium mai tai I made last week. But I think in this case it might be worth it, because the cocktail would have a cool glowing color—especially if we went somewhere with a black light. I have an idea: When we take it from Iran, let’s drop a shot glass full of uranium into a pint glass of beer and chug it.” At press time, Hegseth was said to have concluded that the radioactive substance made a decent chaser.