“From Meme Culture to Senate Seat: The Unconventional Oath of JD Vance on 4chan Greentexts”

In a move that elicits equal parts laughter and disbelief, JD Vance took his oath of office as vice president on a rather unconventional podium—a towering stack of 4chan greentexts! Yes, you read that right. A stack laden with Wojak memes and tales from the depths of beta male existence has somehow become the cornerstone of American political history. I mean, who knew that beneath the polished veneer of government, our leaders might just be emotional about their relationship woes with “woke women” while channeling the spirit of Pepe the Frog? This little comedy of errors during his swearing-in ceremony certainly has me questioning whether we’re in for a new era of governance or just another round of internet irony gone wild. Buckle up, folks—this administration may redefine the phrase “internet culture meets politics!” It’s a wild ride, and I can’t help but wonder: Are we ready for a vice president whose emotional roots lie deep in the chaotic underbelly of meme culture? <a href="https://theonion.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/01/JDVanceSwornNIBIHA_GR.jpg”>LEARN MORE.

WASHINGTON—Placing his right hand on the collection of posts taken from the controversial message board, JD Vance was reportedly sworn in as vice president Monday on a stack of printed-out 4chan greentexts. “I, James David Vance, do solemnly swear that I will support and defend the Constitution of the United States against all enemies, foreign and domestic,” he said, appearing to grow emotional as he glanced down at the stack of screeds from self-described beta males, which were filled with Wojak memes and countless “Be Me” stories bemoaning relationships with woke women—hundreds of pages that Vance had annotated himself over the years, often with sketches of the website’s iconic Pedobear character. “I will well and faithfully discharge the duties of the office on which I am about to enter. So help me Pepe—whoops, I mean God. Sorry. Doing it for the lulz.” Justice Brett Kavanaugh, who administered the oath, reportedly smiled and nodded in approval after catching sight of several explicit screenshots from /h/ peeking out from the pile.