“From Outcasts to Warriors: How a Misfit Crew Became the Military’s Most Unlikely Heroes”
Continued Wallace: “What would these kids have done if they were just sitting at home? Left to their own devices, they’d end up unemployed, abusing marijuana, and totally adrift in life. Now they have a purpose greater than themselves. Now they’re prepared to be shipped out to a war zone on foreign soil and to be taken apart so completely by a gunship that only half their body will be returned to their grieving parents.”
The military is said to be especially excited about the battlefield potential of recruit Marc Roth, an 18-year-old “total fucking psycho” from Hawesville, KY who reportedly went punch-for-punch with a member of the football team, often demonstrated butterfly-knife tricks for classmates, and once withstood an intense 10-minute interrogation from the principal without divulging the identity of a buddy who pulled a fire alarm. For his part, Roth told reporters he never imagined someone like himself wearing an Army uniform and preparing to bleed out on the other side of the world.
“Sgt. Ackers put us through hell,” Roth said. “We must’ve spent five hours a day doing pushups and the rest crawling through the mud with our rifles. I hated it at first, but now I realize he did all this to prepare us for an enemy tank to roll over our legs.”
“No one else ever thought a loser like me would amount to anything,” Roth added. “But I know I’m gonna stroll right into the most laughably obvious ambush and watch my friends get riddled with bullets before the lights go out for me. And I’ll have Sgt. Ackers to thank.”
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