“Get Ready for a Hard Sell: Hims to Introduce Controversial Ads in Erections!”

In a world where advertising seems to infiltrate every corner of our lives, Hims has taken the concept to, uh, new heights—literally. Imagine if your next romantic encounter came complete with an ad break! Yes, you heard that right. In what can only be described as the most audacious (and possibly absurd) marketing move of the year, Hims has announced that their erections will soon come with a side of targeted advertisements. Remember the days when enjoying a moment of passion didn’t require a commercial interruption? Well, that nostalgia’s getting kicked to the curb. For those opting for the budget-friendly version, prepare for 15-second ad spots playing right at the height of arousal! Forget about romance; let’s flip through those ads like it’s the Super Bowl halftime show! Buckle up for what promises to be a wild ride through the clash of biomedical innovation and commercialism. If you’re curious about how they plan to make this all work—and what kind of product placements you might be seeing—now’s your chance! LEARN MORE.

SAN FRANCISCO—Touting the move as a minimally intrusive and private way to keep its sexual health medications available to a wide customer base, Hims announced Tuesday that erections provided by the company would soon feature ads. “In an effort to provide better service and keep our industry-leading sex chews affordable, users of our lower-tier medication plans will begin seeing 15-second ads playing on their erections,” said Hims spokesperson Clara Montoya, who said the targeted ads from partners like Factor and Better Health would play every 30-seconds unless a customer paid $24.99 to upgrade to a higher-tier erection. “We also offer flexibility for customers who prefer a cheaper option, so there is a middle-tier $14.99 upgrade that will play one ad at the onset of arousal before transitioning into a seamless ad-free erection. In the unlikely event the ads are slowing down your erection speed, simply call customer support and they will talk you through the process of debugging your penis. Please note we are trying to cut down on the sharing of Hims plans with friends and family members, so you’ll now need to pay for additional users if you want anyone besides the account owner to interact with the erection.” Montoya added that Hims would also be offering a top-tier Hims Premium experience that allows users to skip the erection entirely and jump right to ejaculation.