“Gravity-Defying Escape: How Stranded NASA Astronauts Defied Odds to Slide Back to Earth”
When you’re floating 286 miles above Earth and your ride home suddenly malfunctions, what do you do? Well, if you’re a group of stranded NASA astronauts, you whip out an inflatable slide and take a joyride back to Terra Firma—who knew space travel could end with a splash? In a twist that sounds straight out of a surreal comedy show, mission leader Ray Harmon revealed they had little option but to deploy the emergency slide, set up at the Orion spacecraft’s exit. Can you imagine lining up, flotation devices in hand, hoping you’ll slide gracefully rather than plummet into the great unknown? Sure, there’s that little detail about potential fiery death upon re-entry, but hey, at least these astronauts can say they had a blast—or maybe just a “burning” experience! Hold onto your helmets, folks; it’s gonna be a wild ride back to Earth.
WASHINGTON—Given little choice but to deploy the safety measure, stranded NASA astronauts were forced to take an emergency slide back to earth, sources confirmed Friday. “After realizing that a mechanical failure had made it impossible to return to Earth in the Orion spacecraft, we released the 286-mile inflatable slide stored by the emergency exits,” said mission leader Ray Harmon, telling reporters that the assembled crew had lined up in an orderly fashion while holding their flotation devices in case they were sucked into the vacuum of space. “Fortunately we have protocols in place for this type of eventuality, and everything should go smoothly and comfortably for the passengers apart from a potential fall of a few dozen vertical miles if the slide lets out over a chasm or canyon.” At press time, Harmon confirmed that the ride down the slide had actually been kind of fun apart from burning up upon entry into the Earth’s atmosphere.
