“Heartbreak Unveiled: Why One Bride-to-Be Couldn’t Overlook Her Fiancé’s Troubling Past with His Ex”
Retroactive jealousy can also be caused by a partner’s behaviors, like spending too much time with their ex and prioritizing them over their current relationship, says Khandrueva.
Mahlum notes that social media can amplify feelings of retroactive jealousy. “The more you engage with these thoughts—scrolling through old photos, asking for unnecessary details, or creating stories about their past in your head—the more they grow, keeping you stuck in an imagined version of the past instead of being fully present in the relationship.”
Image credits: Daniel Martinez (not the actual photo)
When the past is creeping into relationships, focus on the present
The first step towards dealing with the feeling that turns us into little green-eyed monsters is to recognize it and give ourselves time to feel it, says Khandrueva. Meanwhile, Mahlum suggests doing a bit of a deep dive into why a partner is feeling jealous, both individually and together as a couple.
“Instead of dismissing or avoiding the feelings, ask questions like: What is this jealousy telling us? What reassurance do I need? What reassurance do you need? It’s also important to recognize that the partner experiencing stronger feelings of jealousy often has more personal work to do,” Mahlum says.
“While it’s okay to seek reassurance, relying solely on your partner to provide reassurance and manage insecurities will place unnecessary strain on the relationship. Getting curious independently—exploring where the jealousy stems from, building self-awareness, and addressing underlying fears—allows for healthier, more productive conversations and shared growth as an individual and as a couple.”
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