“Inside Bezos’ Bold Stance: Why Criticizing Grapes Could Cost You Your Job at Whole Foods”

In an unexpected twist worthy of a sitcom plot, billionaire Jeff Bezos has taken a firm stand for the humble grape, issuing a memo to Whole Foods staff that might just redefine fruit loyalty as we know it. Picture this: the titan of tech and founder of Amazon—who’s overseen everything from e-readers to rockets—is now crusading for the grape as an American cultural staple. Seriously, who knew that a little fruit could inspire such passionate advocacy? “Grapes are bite-sized, flavorful, and healthy!” he declared—sounding less like a CEO and more like your enthusiastic uncle at a family picnic. With criticism banned and new produce managers on the horizon, one has to wonder: Are grapes the next avocado, or is Bezos just trying to squeeze every last drop of profit from his produce aisle? Either way, we’re in for a juicy ride! LEARN MORE

MIAMI—Asserting that many differing perspectives on the fruit were readily available online, billionaire Jeff Bezos reportedly sent a note to staff at the Amazon-owned Whole Foods this week strictly forbidding the criticism of grapes. “I grew up eating grapes and proudly so,” said Bezos, who emphasized the role grapes have played in shaping American culture and expressed his commitment to defending them as a fun and sweet snack. “Bite-sized, flavorful, and healthy treats like grapes are right for America, and I feel this viewpoint has been underserved in grocery stores around the country until now. Supporting grapes is ethical and practical. Grapes are perfect whether you’re on the go or sitting down for lunch, and they greatly reduce hunger among all Americans.” The note concluded with an acknowledgement that leadership changes were already underway to select produce managers who would support this new direction.