Inside Tesla’s Secret Overnight Hustle: What Are Employees Hiding?

Have you ever tried to convince your boss you’ve been working so hard, you’re practically living at your desk—and ended up desperately scattering dirty laundry around the office just for show? Oh boy, the Tesla crew has taken “fake it till you make it” to a whole new (and extremely pungent) level . I’d be lying if I said I’ve never eaten cold pizza for breakfast on a deadline, but intentionally creating a wall of funk and toothbrush relics to please an absentee CEO? That’s Olympic gold in office theatrics . There’s this manic energy buzzing, fueled by caffeine, existential dread, and the fear that Elon’s going to burst in and sniff out any trace of work-life balance like a bloodhound with stock options . What happens when your performance review rests on whether your cubicle smells like a YMCA locker room? Intrigued by the absurd spectacle? Well—I was too . <a href="https://theonion.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/05/TeslaEmployeesScrambleNIBIHAGRcopy.jpg”>LEARN MORE.

AUSTIN, TX—In an effort to give the impression that they had been burning the midnight oil while CEO Elon Musk was away in Washington, D.C., employees at Tesla reportedly scrambled Thursday to make the office look like they’d been sleeping there. “Elon’s going to be back any minute, so make sure to throw some dirty clothes next to the bathroom sink to make it seem like we’ve been showering here,” said Tesla engineer Todd Costello, who appeared panicked as he scarfed down pizza and threw the crusts all over his coworkers’ desks, explaining that his boss would be furious if he found out the staff had experienced even a semblance of work-life balance over the past few months. “Better start inflating the air mattress in the boardroom. Oh, and we should throw some used toothbrushes around the kitchen while we’re at it. While you guys do that, I’m just going to piss in the corner real quick to get a rank smell going.” At press time, Musk was reportedly too strung out on ketamine to acknowledge the state of the office.