Inside the Scandalous Secrets of the Intimacy Coordinator Behind Cinema’s Most Controversial Real Sex Scenes

Ever sat through a movie sex scene and thought, “Wait, are they actually…?” Yeah, me too. And let’s be honest, sometimes Hollywood can’t leave anything to the imagination. But what really happens when a film throws away the modesty sock and goes straight for the real thing? Enter The Visitor—a movie where, if you blink, you’ll miss three unsimulated sex scenes and probably a visit from your internal morality police. It’s weird, it’s graphic, and just to spice things up, the premiere ended with a full-blown sex party (if you’re thinking, “Well, that’s one way to celebrate,” you’re not alone) .

Yet beneath all the bare skin and taboo, there’s a fascinating story about boundaries, art, and how much you really need to disinfect after filming. I’m itching to know: when actors drop all their shields for the camera, who keeps the line between authentic intimacy and cringe-worthy chaos? Spoiler: it’s the intimacy coordinator—the unsung hero of the wildest sets. If you’re ready for a peek behind cinema’s most awkward closed doors (and want to see how the “ethical porn” conversation just crashed Cannes), well…you know you want more . LEARN MORE

An intimacy co-ordinator who worked on a ‘depraved’ movie’s real unsimulated sex scenes has spoken about the secrets behind filming.

Unsimulated sex scenes are a bit more common than many may think – whilst they are still quite rare there are a large list of films that include intimate moments in which the actors actually went at it.

This includes an Oscar nominee who performed an intimate moment on the director, who also co-starred in the film alongside her.

One film in particular that stands out among the rest however is 2024’s The Visitor.

The movie differs from others with unsimulated sex scenes not just because the scenes themselves are more graphic, not just because there are more of them, but because it was critically acclaimed and featured at the respected Berlin Film Festival.

The film is purposely inflammatory, with production holding a sex party after the premiere (a/Political)

The Visitor follows a mysterious ‘visitor’ who washes up on the shores of the UK in a suitcase, emerging naked from it.

They are taken in by a maid who works for an affluent but privately racist upper middle class family.

The visitor then proceeds to sleep their way through the family one by one, shagging mother, father, daughter, and son in the family, including some at the same time.

Bruce LaBruce’s provocative film has hidden meanings behind the graphic unsimulated sex in the film, however many will wonder what goes into filming the scenes.

Intimacy co-ordinators are mostly known for their ability to help actors and directors prepare for simulated sex scenes, working to make sure they take place in the safest way possible.

They are becoming standard across film sets and one was present on The Visitor.

Speaking to The Daily Beast, Lidia Ravviso revealed how the scenes in the movie were filmed and the thought process behind much of the sex.

The film features a number of unsimulated sex scenes, some including (fictional) incest (a/Political)

She stated that their work on set became easier due to the fact that she were already exploring ‘ethical pornography’ and that similar ideas were applied in the filming.

Describing her role more generally she said: “We not only assist with the consent process, but particularly with the choreography.

“We are trained to put in place specific techniques for choreography, [including] modesty garments.”

They stated that another role of theirs on set was to prepare scenes in a way that ensured that there were not moments where an actor had to unnecessarily wait naked.

Due to the independent nature of production she had multiple roles, needing to cover the actors in slime for the many fluid-filled scenes, clean sex toys, and even deal with the police during one sex scene filmed in a semi-public place.

Elaborating on her role she said: “There were some of the actors’ first time they were having sex on screen. So I was making sure the emotional and psychological well-being of the actor was constantly checked before, during the scene, and afterwards.”

She went on to state that, as much as the film looks like people spontaneously going at it, it actually is meticulously planned.