“Inside the Wild Scheme: How Trump’s Sons Are Turning Potato Power into the Next Big Cryptocurrency”

In a move that’s almost too absurd to fathom, the Trump boys have introduced their latest entrepreneurial venture: turning a potato into cryptocurrency! I mean, who knew spuds could be so lucrative? Imagine the Chipotle burrito of the future – instead of chips, we’ll have digital assets popping out from under our feisty French fries! With Eric and Don Jr. enlisting the advice of none other than Uncle Elon, the duo believes they’re on the brink of striking it rich with their ingenious “SpudCoin,” which they claim is worth, oh I don’t know, infinity dollars! As the boys grapple with wires and culinary produce, it raises a pressing question—what’s next, crypto-carrots? Get ready to chuckle at their wild misadventures in this hilariously chaotic foray into the financial world. Spoiler alert: potato chips might just take on a whole new meaning… Want to dive deeper into this nonsense? <a href="https://theonion.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/04/TrumpBoysNIBIHAGR-WEB.jpg”>LEARN MORE.

PALM BEACH, FL—Boasting that they were about to become “gajillionaires” thanks to their technological innovation, the Trump boys reportedly hooked a dollar bill up to a potato Tuesday in an attempt to make cryptocurrency. “Uncle Elon told us all about how crypto works, and now we’ve built a mining rig that’s gonna make us free money!” a visibly excited Eric Trump said as he and Don Jr. fiddled with the wires protruding from a medium-size russet potato and explained that SpudCoin was currently worth infinity dollars. “You touch one end of the wire to the number part of the dollar, where the money is stored, and then touch the other end to a potato for the electricity. Once the potato gets full of cryptocurrency, you stick the wire into your wallet to collect it. Just make sure the potato is fresh enough that it has some extra blockchain for the cryptocurrency to use. Oh boy, Dad’s gonna put us in charge of the Apartment of Treasure [sic] for sure when he sees all the crypto we’ve made! Now we’ve just gotta figure out how to fit our wallet into the computer to spend it.” At press time, reports confirmed the Trump boys had tearfully declared bankruptcy after an unidentified hacker took a big bite out of the potato.