Is a 90,000-Hour Office Life Really Just a Day Job? One Man Challenges Everything You Think About Work and Identity

Isn’t it amazing how we can spend roughly 90,000 hours at our desks—while fiercely insisting that our jobs have zero bearing on who we are? I mean, who among us hasn’t declared, “I am NOT defined by my work!”… right before spending yet another Friday night talking about Q3 projections with coworkers you never intended to befriend in the first place? That’s Jordan Wheeler’s whole vibe—a man so determined to find passion outside his job, he’ll probably need a GPS to locate his guitar. It’s a tale of ambition, burnout, and the eternal search for work-life balance (spoiler: it’s mostly work). Haven’t we all been there, typing away, swearing this is just temporary—only to look up and realize it’s been decades? For a hilariously biting take on the daily grind and what it means for your “real” identity, you’ve got to see the rest. <a href="https://theonion.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/04/MyWorkNIBPHG.jpg”>LEARN MORE.

SACRAMENTO, CA—Believing that he was establishing a firm line between who he was as a person and what he did for a living, local man Jordan Wheeler, an employee of Creighton Industries who will ultimately spend 90,000 hours of his lifetime at the office, announced Monday that his work did not define him. According to witnesses, the 27-year-old proudly declared “I am more than just my job,” despite the fact that his 50-hour workweek will continue to leave him too exhausted to pursue any outside hobbies for decades to come. Wheeler, who will go on to work at the same office well into his 70s, reportedly called the place of employment in which he will spend a third of his adult life “just a paycheck” and “a temporary gig until I find what I’m really passionate about,” even though the few social engagements outside of the office he will participate in over the coming years will be with coworkers, with whom he will mostly talk about work. At press time, Wheeler reportedly spoke enthusiastically about his love for music, despite the fact that he will never spend more than six cumulative hours of his life playing his guitar.