“Is Simon Cowell’s Lifestyle a Health Warning? Experts Urge You to Do the Exact Opposite!”
So, let’s dive right into this peculiar realm of health advice, shall we? Picture it: the American Medical Association is giving a prescription for good health, and guess what? It’s to *not* follow Simon Cowell’s lead. Yep, you heard that right! Chicago’s health experts are sounding the alarm, cautioning us all to reverse-engineer whatever wild diet or workout routine the notorious talent judge has been playing around with. Dr. Hillary Cabrera elegantly points out how Cowell’s baffling body proportions and strange skin sheen might just be the visual cue that sends our wellness radar into overdrive.
Is it fame, fortune, or something a little more sinister behind that bizarre appearance? I mean, with all those weird lumps and flat surfaces—something’s gotta give! So, what’s the takeaway here? If you see Cowell looking particularly “well” (and by well, I mean *not well*), just imagine what the opposite of that would be for your own health regimen and run with it! Who knew that one singular glance at a star could incite such a comprehensive health advisory? Oh, and as a public service announcement: injecting random substances into your skin? Probably a hard pass—as per expert advice. Now, isn’t that a relief?
CHICAGO—Warning that the bizarre proportions of his physique and odd sheen of his skin were clear signs that something must be wrong, health experts from the American Medical Association recommended Friday that people do the exact opposite of whatever Simon Cowell has been doing to his body. “We are not sure what he’s doing, but whatever his diet or exercise routine is, do the farthest thing from that just to be safe,” said Dr. Hillary Cabrera, who noted that the appearance of Cowell’s skin, hair, eyes, chin, and shoulders were a clear warning sign that Americans should avoid at all costs. “There are a lot of weird lumps and flat parts where there shouldn’t be. He’s probably very dehydrated, or maybe he’s drinking way, way too much water? Just look at a photo of Simon Cowell, take your best guess at whatever the opposite of that is, and even if you aren’t exactly right, we’re sure you’ll live a long and healthy life.” Cabrera added that as a blanket rule people should refrain from injecting anything into their skin, because that was definitely at least part of what was going on there.
The post Health Experts Recommend Doing Exact Opposite Of Whatever Simon Cowell Doing To His Body appeared first on The Onion.
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