“J.D. Vance’s Controversial Campaign Prop: Why His Aides Are Desperate for Him to Ditch the Woman’s Pelvis Model”
In a truly bizarre twist of political campaigning, J.D. Vance, the Ohio senator and vice presidential hopeful, has found himself in a rather awkward pickle—one that has little to do with policy and everything to do with… anatomy!? Yes, you read that right. Imagine trying to connect with voters over pressing family financial woes, only to have a life-size model of a woman’s pelvis awkwardly invading their personal space! I mean, really, what kind of strategy is that? An aides’ meeting in Lexington, KY, took an unexpected turn as advisors pleaded with Vance to ditch the anatomical prop, claiming it was far from the conversation starter he intended. “People generally prefer discussing their budgets without a pelvis lurking nearby,” said one aide, clearly exasperated. And let’s be honest, who wouldn’t be shocked to see a speculum waving around in a crowded campaign event? It’s hard to know what’s more unbelievable: the fact that this is really happening or that someone thought, “Hey, let’s grab a model of female anatomy for our suburban outreach!” As usual, the campaign trail proves to be fertile ground for the kind of outrageous antics that fuel both laughter and head shaking. So, what’s next for Vance? More anatomical illustrations or perhaps a little less “show and tell” with his props? Only time will tell… and we’ll be watching!
LEXINGTON, KY—Stating that the anatomical facsimile of the female groin was having the opposite of the vice presidential candidate’s intended effect, aides begged J.D. Vance on Monday to stop carrying around a model of a woman’s pelvis while meeting with voters. “I can’t stress enough how much people don’t like it when you silently hold a life-size model of a woman’s genitals up to their face when they’re talking about their family’s financial struggles,” said Vance advisor Reid Keck, adding that the expression of revulsion on the Ohio senator’s face whenever he looked at the model of the female pubic region wasn’t helping either. “I know it’s not what you’re used to, but you can probably leave words like fallopian tube, cervix, labia, and vulva out of your stump speech entirely. To be honest, you should also stop gesturing at people in the audience with that speculum.” At press time, aides were reportedly in damage control mode after Vance, in a new attempt to appeal to suburban women, opened an event by smashing the model of a woman’s pelvis on stage.
The post Aides Beg J.D. Vance To Stop Carrying Model Of Woman’s Pelvis While Meeting Voters appeared first on The Onion.
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