“J.D. Vance’s Shocking Encounter: Did Tim Walz Really Commune with Karl Marx Under a Blood-Red Sky?”
In what might be the most theatrical moment of the political season, Republican vice presidential nominee J.D. Vance turned a routine debate into a scene straight out of a gothic horror novel. Picture this: a blood-red moon illuminating revelations of Marxist rendezvous and secret cabals. I mean, who knew the race for VP would delve into the supernatural? Vance boldly claimed to have witnessed his opponent, Minnesota Governor Tim Walz, “cavorting with the ghost of Karl Marx” – complete with bearded specters and incantations from Das Kapital. Who needs a horror movie when you can have political theater that raises goosebumps and eyebrows in equal measure? The moderators were left gasping, and the audience? Well, they probably needed a moment to pick their jaws off the floor. As the debate heated up, Vance urged a full-fledged investigation into what he described as a match made in communism, leading to speculation about a bizarre dunking test to determine Walz’s fate! Curious to see how this all unfolded? You won’t want to miss the details! LEARN MORE.
NEW YORK—During Tuesday’s debate, Republican vice presidential nominee J.D. Vance accused his opponent, Tim Walz, of “cavorting with the ghost of Karl Marx beneath a blood-red moon,” an encounter Vance alleged to have seen with his own two eyes. “Him there! I saw that man and his Chinese communist brethren intoning words from Das Kapital under the red glow of the moon, the bearded specter of Marx hovering close above,†said Vance, pointing directly at the Minnesota governor as gasps from the stunned moderators echoed through the room. “My opponent and his legion of comrades, their frenzied eyes aglow amid the funeral pyres of burning cash, spoke of a violent rebellion to rid the United States of our capitalist ideals once and for all. I watched from the safety of a shrub as he lifted his robes to accept a white-hot brand in the shape of a hammer and sickle, all the while crying out for the forceful implementation of a classless society. Seize him now, or our republic shall surely fall under communist rule!†At press time, the moderators had reportedly decided Walz would be bound to the 50-volume collected works of Marx and Engels and dunked in a body of water to see if he would float.Â
The post J.D. Vance: ‘I Saw Tim Walz Cavorting With The Ghost Of Karl Marx Beneath A Blood-Red Moon’ appeared first on The Onion.
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