Jeremy Clarkson Reveals Shocking Pub Secret That Left Him Completely Baffled
So Jeremy Clarkson’s diving headfirst into the pub game with The Farmer’s Dog, and while the frothy pints and British-sourced grub seem to be ticking along just fine, there’s one baffling nightmare that’s got him scratching his head harder than a hangover on a Sunday morning. Believe it or not, it’s not the queues snaking out the door or the steep prices caused by sticking to homegrown ingredients—it’s the mysterious art of missing the toilet bowl. Yes, despite sitting down, some patrons are managing to create a biohazard scene worthy of a hazmat crew, muck and all, splattered well beyond the porcelain throne. Just how are people pulling off such a feat at point-blank range without CCTV footage? Let’s just say, it’s left Clarkson utterly flummoxed—and slightly disgusted. If you think running a pub is all pints and pies, think again—sometimes, it’s a dirty job no one sees coming. LEARN MORE.
Jeremy Clarkson has said there’s still one major thing about owning a pub which baffles him beyond belief, despite most other things about the operation of The Farmer’s Dog going well.
Clarkson opened his pub last year and admitted that it had been something of a ‘s**tshow’ with so many people arriving that they were queueing out of the doors to get a turn at the bar.
If you’ve watched the latest series of Clarkson’s Farm, then you’ll have seen some of the major issues he had with getting his pub open, some of them caused by him trying to rush it before it was ready.
His plan to have the menu carrying dishes that only had ingredients sourced from Britain was another difficulty as it’s made many of his meals a lot more expensive, though he continues to champion domestic produce despite the cost.
However, there’s one thing which he’s learned in his year of pub ownership which he still can’t quite understand.
Welcome to The Farmer’s Dog, the management would deeply appreciate it if you would remember to aim while defecating (John Keeble/Getty Images)
In a recent video showing Clarkson behind the bar he explained the thing he still finds ‘baffling’ about pub ownership, and we’re hoping you’re not in the middle of breakfast while reading this.
“The the thing that baffles me most of all is, forgive me for this, but people go to the lavatory, sit on it, and then somehow miss the bowl, and I cannot understand how they’re doing it,” the TV presenter turned pub owner said.
“And apparently, you’re not allowed to put CCTV in the cubicle, so we’ll never know. But it’s just I think ‘how have you got it all over the floor and up the walls?’ There’s a lot to infuriate me.”
Customers explosively s**tting everywhere in his toilets except the bowl has been something of a bee in Clarkson’s bonnet, quite understandably, as he’s complained about it before.
He previously explained that nothing could have prepared him for the ‘horror of what had been produced at the Farmer’s Dog’, describing the rectal muck as ‘everywhere and in such vast quantities’ that it could be tackled by ‘no ordinary plumbing or cleaning equipment’.
Clarkson claimed that he needed to get a team of ‘chemically trained hazmat engineers’ to clean his toilets after such an incident.
One shudders to imagine the dire state of the digestive system which produced such a mess.
So, if you do ever find yourself perched upon the toilet at The Farmer’s Dog remember that many other buttocks have been there before you and a few of them have somehow managed to miss from point blank range.
On a slightly cheerier note, Clarkson said that he was still positive about his mission to buy British and reckons people do enjoy it more knowing it’s local.
He said: “I do think at The Farmer’s Dog, we are on to something with this policy of only serving not just the beer, but the food as well, tat stuff that was grown or reared by British farmers.
“I know obviously it’s popular because it was on television. I know that. I really do believe that people enjoy it more because they know everything they’re putting in their mouths was grown or reared by a farmer in this country.
“It was grown here, not flown here.”
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