“Local EMT’s Wild Ride: How a Routine Call Turned Into a Hilariously Awkward Journey into Self-Discovery”

Have you ever found yourself racing through life, only to discover that your grand mission was really just a sprint to the nearest corner? Well, local ambulance driver Tara Stanton had her own adrenaline-fueled moment this week, only to realize she could have practically strolled to the scene of the emergency she’d responded to. Yes, in a tale that could rival any sitcom episode, she hit the gas pedal—hard—through red lights and traffic, only to find the patient was a mere three blocks away. Talk about a classic case of overreaction! With her face turning various shades of crimson, Stanton faced reporters, sheepishly confessing her horn-blaring, light-flashing blunder, all the while grappling with the unfortunate twist that her speedy response was ultimately in vain. It’s a reminder that sometimes, when you rush to save the day, you might just end up making a scene instead. Intrigued? Click here to <a href="https://theonion.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/10/AmbulanceDriverNIB_IHA-GR.jpg”>LEARN MORE.

MINNEAPOLIS—Admitting her knee-jerk response seemed to have been an overreaction, local ambulance driver Tara Stanton told reporters Wednesday that she was pretty embarrassed she did all of that just to go three blocks. “Oh jeez, if I’d known the guy’s apartment was this close, I never would’ve leaned on the horn and run all those red lights,” said Stanton, who meekly turned off her siren, exited the emergency vehicle, and grew visibly red with humiliation as she looked back a mere 300 yards to the firehouse from which she’d been dispatched. “I totally tore through that intersection at, like, 90 miles per hour, and cut off a few cars, too. I feel really bad if that car crash was because of me. Darn. We probably could have just walked.” At press time, Stanton added that she felt particularly ashamed after realizing the patient whose call she was responding to had already passed away during her 27-second drive.