Mysterious Car Horn Triggers Unexplainable Episode in Top White House Advisor

Ever notice how the most harmless tune can be the soundtrack to absolute chaos? I mean, we all have our little triggers—a whiff of cologne that spirals us back to high school, or, in my case, the word “algorithm” causing mild existential dread—but I’ll bet you’ve never collapsed in a full-blown fugue state because someone honked a novelty car horn . Now, imagine strolling down the streets of Washington when “La Cucaracha” suddenly echoes through the crisp DC air. Yep, Stephen Miller did a bit more than just freeze; he apparently hit the express route to the Twilight Zone, channeling Spanish lyrics in a kind of bureaucratic trance . Is it possible even White House officials have their own musical Kryptonite? Being an expert at sniffing out online absurdities, even I nearly spat out my coffee at this one—sometimes reality truly does parody itself. Feeling just as curious as I am about how one unlucky melody detonated Miller’s subconscious? <a href="https://theonion.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/05/StephenMillerNIB_IHA-GR-copy.jpg”>LEARN MORE.

WASHINGTON—Causing the White House deputy chief of staff to experience intense psychological distress, a novelty car horn playing “La Cucaracha” reportedly sent Stephen Miller into a dissociative fugue state Friday. “I saw him walking down the street when the horn sounded, and he froze in place for a full minute and then began shaking all over,” said onlooker Leanne Ossing, confirming that as soon as the first few notes of the Spanish folk song’s melody hit Miller’s ears, his eyes rolled back in his head, and he began drooling profusely. “At first I was worried and thought about calling an ambulance. He just stood there with glazed eyes and an odd smile spreading across his face, and after a while he started repeating, ‘Ya no puede caminar, ya no puede caminar,’ over and over again in perfect Spanish. It was eerie.” At press time, sources reported that a disoriented Miller had been found covered in blood outside an Immigration and Customs Enforcement detention center.