Mysterious Gold Funyun: Frito-Lay CEO’s Extravagant Gift to Trump Sparks Questions

Is this the American dream, or have we just seen the snack aisle go fully unhinged? You’ve gotta wonder—at what point does a bag of Funyuns become part of foreign policy? Leave it to Frito-Lay to answer that, with their CEO rolling into the Oval Office and handing over a 24-karat gold Funyun to Donald Trump, turning the White House into some sort of golden-onion gallery . I mean, somewhere between the promise of $26 million in chips and that ridiculously shiny onion ring sitting on the Resolute Desk, you start thinking maybe reality just called in sick . Does anyone else picture Mount Rushmore getting a Dorito upgrade in the next draft? Honestly, I can’t decide if I’m more hungry or horrified . LEARN MORE

WASHINGTON—In a gesture many critics have decried as yet another blatant bribe to secure favorable regulatory treatment, Frito-Lay CEO Steven Williams presented President Donald Trump this week with a 24-karat, solid gold Funyun. “The president has long voiced his desire to own a golden, crunchy onion, and we knew it would be our privilege to make that a reality for one of the greatest dealmakers in history,” said Williams to reporters as a beaming Trump proudly moved the gold Funyun sculpture to a permanent spot on the Resolute Desk. “This expertly crafted artwork reflects how much we at Frito-Lay respect the president’s unwavering commitment to protecting the freedoms of American snackers and snack makers alike. We hope that here, under your visionary stewardship, this Funyun will stand as a tribute to our shared commitment to bold, flavorful action.” At press time, Frito-Lay has pledged to donate $26 million in Funyuns, Ruffles, Munchos, and Cool Ranch Doritos to the Donald J. Trump Presidential Library.