Mysterious Midnight Tinkering: Who’s Really Reviving the Run-Down Ride?

Ever try fixing a car with someone barking “Give it some juice!” while sweat is rolling into your eyeballs and every tool you grab feels suspiciously less effective than the last? Yeah, me too—and I can’t help but wonder: does this mysterious “juice” come with a warning label, or are we just signing up for pop-up clouds of engine doom? There’s something beautifully chaotic about a perfectly normal afternoon in Reno turning into a black-smoke circus, all because somebody wanted to hear that engine “purr.” Maybe we’re all just one stripped bolt away from hitting the throttle a little too hard and being told, loudly, to “turn the damn thing off!” If you’ve ever gotten grease on your shirt and a headache in your ears, trust me—you don’t want to miss this story. <a href="https://theonion.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/05/GiveItSomeJuiceNIBGPH.jpg”>LEARN MORE.

RENO, NV—Switching out the torque wrench for something with a little more “oomph,” local sources fiddling under the car hood reportedly requested Monday that it be given some juice. “Come on now, rev ’er up good,” cylinder-block-examining sources said while wiping sweat from their brow with the back of a grease-smudged hand. “Keep goosing the throttle. She’s purring now. Hit it one more time—and I mean really hit it.” At press time, scowling sources were screaming “Turn the damn thing off!” after a cloud of black smoke began pouring out of the car’s engine.