Mysterious Plastic Sheeting in Interview Room Leaves Ghislaine Maxwell Deeply Uneasy

If I had a dollar for every time I’ve walked into a courthouse interview room draped head to toe in plastic sheets, I’d have—well, probably just this one, wildly specific dollar. But let’s be honest, who among us hasn’t been a little suspicious when the only “decor” is bleach bottles, waterproof ponchos and the kind of tarp arrangements usually reserved for Dexter’s latest hobby? Ghislaine Maxwell, never one to let a setting go unremarked, finds herself right in the middle of a scenario that feels less Law & Order and more “Oops, All Evidence Disposal Supplies.” Ever look around and wonder if you’re about to get grilled, or if it’s the grill season for you? Trust me, this one had me biting my nails down to the quick, then wondering if I should be sharing hygiene tips with the DOJ. Ready for humor so dark it needs its own soundproof room? Buckle up. LEARN MORE

TALLAHASSEE, FL—Perplexed that the Department of Justice had chosen a setting with such strange decor to ask her about Jeffrey Epstein’s co-conspirators, Ghislaine Maxwell confirmed Thursday that she couldn’t help but notice her interview room was covered in plastic sheeting. “Wow, you’ve got the whole room tarped up—you guys doing some painting later?” said Maxwell as she stepped into the Florida courthouse’s windowless office, with eyewitnesses reporting that she then carefully shuffled over to a plastic-wrapped chair after briefly slipping on the slick, sheeted floor. “I see you’ve got plenty of bleach, too. You must be pretty concerned about hygiene with all the people who pass through here. And hey, you’re all wearing ponchos. Is it supposed to rain later? Looked sunny when I came in, but I’d take a poncho too if you’ve got a spare. Alright, I guess you’re closing the door, let’s get down to it. Good call picking a soundproof room so we can really focus on the interview.” At press time, Maxwell was reportedly heard muttering “Ohhhhhh, that’s what it’s for,” after noticing the knife sticking out of her ribcage.