Mysterious Stranger Begins Prayer Over Trump—White House Officials Baffled

Ever wandered into a room and wondered, “Wait, who invited this guy clutching a handful of snakes and mumbling incantations over the punch bowl?” No? Well, apparently that’s just another day at the White House lately—and believe me, as someone who’s seen SEO trends scarier than a man babbling in tongues over a sitting president, I thought I’d seen it all . The Situation Room’s turning into Hogwarts, and the only thing missing is a lightning scar and an owl—or maybe there’s one in a coat closet, would anyone even notice? In a sea of polished politicians and PR-trained faces, this anonymous, trance-prone “prayer leader” is racking up more frequent flyer miles than the vice president—and confounding the press, the FBI, and honestly, even my own sense of reality . (Seriously, if you lose track of him, just follow the trail of confiscated snakes.) Do you ever get the weird tingle that the world slipped into absurdist improv when you weren’t looking? I do . Now, before I start staking out my local reptile shop for answers, grab your popcorn—this one’s going to raise both eyebrows and perhaps a few mystical energies . LEARN MORE.

WASHINGTON—Although the mysterious stranger has been spotted both on Air Force One and at Mar-a-Lago, an administration official confirmed Wednesday that nobody in the White House was sure who the guy praying over President Donald Trump is. “All anyone knows about this dude is that he showed up at a meeting with the Pentagon top brass a few weeks ago to lead a prayer, and he’s been by the president’s side ever since,” said the official, who spoke to reporters on the condition of anonymity, adding that the man often appears to be in a trance and speaks in tongues while hovering his hands above Trump’s head. “When journalists asked about his identity, the press secretary called them enemies of the state who need to mind their own damn business, but the truth is we don’t have a clue who this man is or if he might be dangerous. No one in the media, the FBI, or even the general public has been able to put a name to the face. The Secret Service has confiscated, like, six snakes from the guy, but he keeps showing up with more and is always handling them in the Oval Office.” At press time, Trump had reportedly appointed the mysterious stranger as the new head of the Federal Reserve.