Mysterious Upgrades: What Surprising Safety Measures Is ChatGPT Hiding?

Let’s just pause a hot second and ask: did you ever imagine the day would come when “seatbelts” would show up on the list of virtual safety features—right next to parental alerts for dissing Sam Altman? Well, buckle up, darling, because OpenAI’s latest ChatGPT updates read like my dream diary after bingeing on old infomercials and stress-eating four Sara Lee cheesecakes. I mean, who among us hasn’t wanted AI that tells us not to vape before launching into a tearful overshare about our latest breakup? As ChatGPT bravely puts on its own digital condom and nervously changes the subject when we spiral, I can’t help but wonder… is this technological progress, or are we all just beta testers in a never-ending comedy sketch? One thing’s for sure: if you’ve ever wished your chatbot were just a smidge more neurotic, you’re about to get your wish. LEARN MORE

OpenAI announced new safety features will be soon coming to ChatGPT in an effort to better protect teens and others experiencing “acute distress.” The Onion shares a selection of those safeguards.

Begins every conversation by telling users not to vape

Targeted BetterHelp ads for any user in the midst of a mental health crisis 

Parental alerts for any teenage user ridiculing Sam Altman 

Seatbelts

If users mention thoughts of self-harm, chatbot will uncomfortably change the subject 

Says “I just put on a condom” before sexting 

Users must verify they are 13 or older before accessing instructions for refining plutonium

Won’t give any advice about carrying out mass shooting until user drags the slider to fit the puzzle piece