Mystery Deepens as NBC Discovers Unexpected Guest Trapped in Empty Broadcast Booth

Ever wonder what happens when you leave a sports commentator alone for too long—like, say, seven months in a pitch-black stadium with only their own metaphors and bottled water dregs for company? Me too . I mean, we all forget something now and then (keys, wallet, sense of purpose), but NBC’s accidental “Collinsworth-in-the-wild” experiment takes broadcasting to a new level of derangement . Picture this: you wander into Lincoln Financial Field, and the first thing you hear isn’t the rustle of jerseys or the echo of distant footsteps—but phantom praise for Jalen Hurts’ poise just bouncing off empty seats . Equal parts nightmare fuel and Emmy bait, this tale makes me wonder: if you leave a football analyst alone with nothing but foam microphones and the ghost of last season, does he become even more powerful? Or just more dehydrated? Strap in—because this is either peak sports journalism or a cautionary tale about employee checklists . LEARN MORE

PHILADELPHIA—Rushing into a darkened stadium and dreading what they might discover, NBC Sports producers reportedly panicked Friday upon realizing they had accidentally left analyst Cris Collinsworth in the Sunday Night Football broadcast booth for the entire offseason. “We just assumed he’d gone home after calling the divisional round, but then people at Lincoln Financial Field told us they’d been hearing scratching sounds and a faint voice praising Jalen Hurts’ poise in the pocket,” said NBC spokesperson Allison Carlisle, adding that Collinsworth had survived the past seven months by eating foam off of microphones and drinking half-empty water bottles he found in the trash. “Doesn’t seem like it bothered him, though. When we found him, he was talking to no one in particular about how A.J. Brown is undersized yet isn’t afraid to lower the shoulder. He was gaunt, sitting in his own urine and feces, but instead of asking for food or water, he just turned to us and calmly said, ‘This Eagles O-line is a five-man wrecking crew with a blocking scheme straight out of your nightmares. Good luck lining up against them.’” At press time, producers were said to be quietly discussing whether to just leave him there until the start of the regular season.