Mystery Strikes: 213 Dead in Town No One Can Pronounce

Mystery Strikes: 213 Dead in Town No One Can Pronounce

Have you ever paused for a moment and worried that your next delivery order could trigger a headline that makes your grandma faint—and your Amazon driver trend on Twitter? Same here. Delivery used to mean pizza at the door or maybe the thrill of an unboxing, not… well, mass casualty events broadcast to the whole nation. Yet, here we are, living in the golden age of having anything dropped at your stoop in a neat box—along with the very real chance it’s a lead-in to tonight’s breaking news. I get it. I’ve seen more wild deliveries than a FedEx warehouse at Christmas and let me tell you—the only thing scarier than surge pricing is the idea that one wrong scan could unleash chaos of biblical proportions. So, if you crave a satirical deep dive at the surreal intersection of home delivery and disaster (plus a few snarky side glances at humanity’s persistent optimism), you’re in the right spot. Ready for a not-so-peaceful parcel? <a href="https://theonion.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/05/ONN2515213-Killed-InDELIVERY_Webstill.jpg”>LEARN MORE

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