Mystery Surrounds Trump Allies’ Tears After Shocking Rumors of Elon Musk’s Fiery Mishap

Sometimes, I wonder—does the universe just spin a giant bingo wheel of chaos and say, “This one’s for you, Trumps!”? I mean, if you ever doubted that life isn’t just a dark cosmic joke, glance at that photo—Eric and Don Jr. clutching tissues, probably for the first time not because they’ve been caught with their hands in the proverbial cookie jar. The tragic, yet oddball demise of “Uncle Elon” via rocket mishap feels like some dystopian bedtime story gone off the rails . How do you even break news like that? “Sorry boys, your space-faring uncle’s latest adventure was more ‘Hindenburg’ than ‘Apollo’…” I’ll confess: I laughed, I gasped, and then I wondered how anyone in that family makes it through the day without three handlers and a tranquilizer dart . If you’ve ever wanted a peek behind the velvet rope of America’s most reality TV-ish dynasty—and to discover who’ll inherit the sacred duty of teaching them life’s worst words—strap in. <a href="https://theonion.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/06/WeepingTrumpBoysNIBIHA_GR.jpg”>LEARN MORE

WASHINGTON—Making sure the pair were sitting down before she delivered the news, White House chief of staff Susie Wiles reportedly told the Trump boys Friday that their Uncle Elon had been blown up in a rocket accident. “Boys, your father wanted me to tell you that you won’t be seeing your Uncle Elon anymore because he is now in a million pieces,” said Wiles, who paused momentarily to watch as Eric, the youngest Trump boy, buried his head in his hands and burst into tears, and his brother Don Jr. screamed in agony, complaining that their uncle had promised to show them Debbie Does Dallas. “Unfortunately, he’s in hell now. It was a spectacular accident—blood and fire everywhere—but that’s the risk of going to space. Don’t worry, I’m sure he felt a lot of pain.” At press time, sources reported the sniffling Trump boys were wondering who was going to teach them the N-word now.