Mystery Teen Serenades Crush With Unexpected ’80s Move—But Why Peter Gabriel?

Ever stood outside in the pouring rain, asking yourself, “How far would I actually go for love?” Well, local teen Eddy French just set the bar somewhere between ‘iconic 80s movie homage’ and ‘absurd fever dream’—by hoisting Peter Gabriel—not a boombox, the literal 75-year-old man—over his head in a desperate, drenched plea for affection. I mean, what’s next? Serenading prom dates with the surviving members of ABBA? There’s something hilarious yet oddly moving about Eddy’s unwieldy display; after all, nothing says “I like you” quite like brandishing a prog-rock legend beneath someone’s bedroom window while hoping their dad doesn’t call the cops . Is this the new gold standard for romantic grand gestures, or just another sign Gen Z is both inventive and dangerously literal? One thing’s certain—Eddy’s lovestruck antics put every other Valentine’s Day effort (sorry, Maroon 5 singer in a locker) to shame . See for yourself—LEARN MORE.

VAN NUYS, CA—Using a grand gesture to reveal his feelings to the object of his affection, local teenager Eddy French reportedly stood outside his crush’s window Friday holding up Peter Gabriel. “As soon as I pulled back my curtain and saw Eddy in the rain with the original frontman of Genesis held high above his head, my heart just swelled,” said Lola Simmons, 17, telling reporters that despite feeling nervous that her overprotective dad would hear songs from the multiplatinum album So blaring from the lips of the 75-year-old musician and human rights advocate, she was overtaken by the romantic action. “No boy has ever done something like this for me before. Once in junior high I had a boyfriend who left me a Maroon 5 singer in my locker for Valentine’s Day, but this is a whole other level. The fact that Eddy would go to all this trouble lets me know he really cares about me.” At press time, French had reportedly tossed Peter Gabriel aside into a nearby bush after Simmons ran up to embrace him passionately.