Mystery Unfolds as James Taylor Concert Ends Without a Single Standing Ovation

A James Taylor concert—let me paint you a picture—3,000 silver-haired fans dreaming of a standing ovation but, it turns out, Mother Nature had very different plans for their knees. Ever wondered what happens when the spirit is willing, but the cartilage is mush? It’s less about thunderous applause and more about a muted chorus of “Sweet Baby James” croaked out at full granny volume while arthritic hands flutter reminiscently in the air… Is it possible to be absolutely bowled over and entirely immobilized at the same time? Apparently, yes. The irony? Even James was left sitting at the end. Oh, honey, everything’s creaking but the excitement wasn’t lost—if a standing ovation falls in a theater and no one can stand, did it ever really happen? Curious for the full, slightly tragicomedic saga? LEARN MORE.

CHICAGO—Despite numerous reports that the performance was “just absolutely fantastic,” nobody in the audience of a recent James Taylor concert had functional enough knees to give the “Fire And Rain” singer a standing ovation. “I loved it,” said 85-year-old audience member Cheryl Feinstein, one of the roughly 3,000 decrepit fans in attendance who called for an encore by barely croaking out “Sweet Baby James” at the loudest register their warbling vocal cords could muster while waving their tender, arthritic hands instead of clapping. “My husband and I both can’t hear too good, so we don’t know if he played ‘How Sweet It Is’ or not, but we think that song is fabulous!” At press time, James Taylor was unable to stand up and walk off the stage.