Mystery Unfolds as Trump Dubs White House Fridge the “Department Of Ham”

Isn’t it wild how, in the ever-spinning carousel of American politics, we can go from heated debates about tax reform to—wait for it—the dramatic renaming of the White House fridge? Sometimes, the headlines just write themselves . Staring at that presidential photo op, I can’t help but ask: What historic destiny lies within a stainless-steel appliance, and who will serve as Undersecretary of Deli Meats? Honestly, this is the kind of story that feels like it tumbled straight out of a bizarro-world lunch break dream, dripping with ham glaze and surrounded by secret service agents guarding a suspiciously well-marbled pork roast . Trump’s bold move to rechristen the kitchen’s most hallowed “fridge” as the U.S. Department of Ham—apparently a throwback to the Founding Fathers’ deepest, cold-cut aspirations—has left me snorting into my sandwich . Whether you’re a fan of political theater, deli counter intrigue, or just wondering if turkey will ever get the respect it deserves, this one’s got it all . Ready for a full serving of surreal bite-sized satire? LEARN MORE

WASHINGTON—Fulfilling his pledge to realign the mission of the White House kitchen with the vision of the Founding Fathers, President Donald Trump signed an executive order this week officially renaming the White House refrigerator the U.S. Department of Ham. “When Thomas Jefferson had the first ice house installed in 1801, the name Department of Ham was chosen to show the world our ability to eat cold cuts at a moment’s notice,” said Trump at the Oval Office signing ceremony, adding that when Harry Truman changed the appliance’s name to “fridge” in 1947, it “weakened the nation’s image” and disrespected the men and women throughout the country’s history who have enjoyed fresh deli meat at any time of day. “The Department of Ham is a beautiful name that conveys tremendous strength when it comes to cured pork, and it in no way downplays the strategic importance of turkey, salami, or even pre-packaged smoked salmon. The restoration of this name will return this storied 28-cubic-foot department to its former glory.” At press time, a professional headshot of a glistening ham posed before the U.S. flag had been added to the Cabinet website.