NFL Star Aaron Rodgers Buys Mysterious Pittsburgh Bunker—What’s He Hiding Underground?

Ever wonder what happens when NFL legends swap gridiron glory for prepping paranoia? Well, I never had “Aaron Rodgers ditches touchdown passes for reinforced steel doors” on my 2024 Steelers bingo card, but here we are—living in an age where a quarterback’s spiral is only matched by his descent beneath the city streets of Pittsburgh. Maybe it’s just me, but it feels oddly poetic that Rodgers—always a man with a flair for drama—would celebrate his Steelers gig by setting up shop in a palatial, windowless bunker outfitted for end times . If you’re as intrigued as I am by how one might outfit a subterranean man-cave with an “anti-woke chamber” and a trad wife wing (not to mention a birthing chamber, which, frankly, raises even more questions than it answers), trust me, this story delivers on every wild expectation . Want to peek into the playbook of bunker life, Rodgers-style? <a href="https://theonion.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/06/AaronRodgersBegins-NIB-PH.jpg”>LEARN MORE

PITTSBURGH—After the Steelers signed him to a one-year, $13.6 million deal with performance incentives, quarterback Aaron Rodgers reportedly purchased a lavish underground bunker Tuesday in the heart of Pittsburgh. “I’ve always loved Pittsburgh, and I’m excited to finally get settled into a new survival shelter in an undisclosed location deep beneath the city,” said the controversial four-time MVP, adding that he “couldn’t be happier” to have purchased the windowless, 10,000-square-foot fortified structure, which is equipped with custom air filters, a state-of-the-art water purification system, and years’ worth of emergency supplies, in addition to being located just a short drive from Acrisure Stadium. “This city has such a rich history, and the minute I opened the double reinforced steel doors of this home and entered its anti-woke chamber, I knew it was the one. I loved my old doomsday bunker in New Jersey, but there’s no place I’d rather stockpile weapons and prepare for the impending end of days than right here in the ’Burgh.” At press time, Rodgers had sparked marriage rumors after expressing excitement that his bunker had both a trad wife wing and a birthing chamber.