“Ohioan Shocked by Unusual Food Choices: What Haitians Know About Vegetables That We Don’t!”
In a world overflowing with culinary delights, one Ohio man has taken a stand against—of all things—vegetables. Yes, you read that right! Fostoria’s own Danny Gleisner, a sprightly 53-year-old, finds himself—if you can imagine this—absolutely rattled by reports of Haitian immigrants munching on fresh produce. Can you believe it? “Eating cabbage?! How could they?” Gleisner mused, clearly torn between disbelief and horror, as he recounted stories of “illegals” gleefully snatching tomatoes from suburban gardens. I mean, carrots are not food, right? What’s next, advocating for kale smoothies? While he’s never seen a migrant take a bite of lettuce, the whole idea is enough to make him lose his lunch. Ah, the perils of a well-rounded diet! If only these immigrants would retreat to their pastures in search of health! It’s a bizarre situation that raises the question: what is it about inclusivity that has some folks so, shall we say—disturbed? You won’t want to miss the colorful quotes and absurdity from this delightful story. It’s a quirky reflection of America that’s sure to resonate. LEARN MORE
FOSTORIA, OH—Claiming such accounts chilled him to the very bone, Ohio resident Danny Gleisner, 53, told reporters Friday that he felt deeply disturbed by reports of Haitian immigrants in the state eating vegetables. “All this I’m hearing about Haitians chopping up and eating produce just doesn’t sit right with me,†said Gleisner, explaining that while he’d never actually seen a migrant eat a cabbage or head of lettuce himself, just the thought of it made his stomach turn. “I’ve heard stories of illegals stealing tomatoes right out of people’s yards. Carrots aren’t food, plain and simple. You’d have to be an animal to chomp down on leafy greens of any kind, let alone the ones rich in fiber.†Gleisner added that if immigrants wanted to pursue a healthy lifestyle through a well-rounded diet, they could go the hell back to wherever they came from.
The post Ohioan Disturbed By Reports Of Haitians Eating Vegetables appeared first on The Onion.
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