“One Man’s Hilarious Text Spell: How a Simple ‘STOP’ Became a Legendary Defense Against Fundraising Wizards!”
In a world where political texts often feel like a relentless siege on our calm, one Chicagoan has emerged as an unlikely hero—an accountant with a knack for thwarting digital nuisances. Enter Anthony Palmer, a modern-day wizard of sorts, who wielded his smartphone like a magical staff to send forth an imperious “STOP” in response to a fundraising plea from the Kamala Harris campaign. Picture this: a regular guy, channeling the otherworldly might of a sorcerer, ready to shield himself and his imaginary party of halflings from the onslaught of relentless texts! It makes you wonder, doesn’t it? What lengths might we go to safeguard our texting tranquility—perhaps an enchanted scroll or a trusty sidekick with a garlic-infused spell? Join us as we dive into this humorous tale of one man’s valiant stand against the beast of unsolicited campaign messages, and discover just how one simple text can seem like a battle between good and evil in the realm of modern communication!
CHICAGO—In an act of astonishing fortitude that showed he drew upon a seemingly endless well of mystic strength, local man Anthony Palmer reportedly replied “STOP” Thursday to a political fundraiser text like a powerful wizard casting a spell to ward off a mythical beast. Sources confirmed that moments after receiving the Kamala Harris fundraising message, the accountant typed out his short reply with the certainty of one familiar with an ancient elven tongue summoning an arcane incantation known as the Shield of Thar’Ghal to protect both him and his party of halflings and dwarves from a charging monster escaped from the depths of the underworld. Several reports indicated that as Palmer leapt into action to counter the malign text, he mumbled to himself with distaste not unlike a wizened sorcerer from the Far Westlands bellowing, “Begone, ye evil creature!” According to bystanders, the accountant’s fingers then confidently tapped out the four capital letters of the unstoppable reply as if he were using an unimaginably powerful staff to draw out the Elements of the Earth and Netherearth that would allow him to fend off the most ferocious of Darklings. At press time, Palmer was said to have sent off his reply with satisfaction, only to then receive a separate text from Bernie Sanders begging him to help, much like the wise-but-arrogant enchanter feeling the grasp of one of the monster’s tendrils around his ankle just as he turned his back.
The post Man Replies ‘STOP’ To Political Fundraiser Text Like Powerful Wizard Casting Spell To Ward Off Mythical Beast appeared first on The Onion.
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