“Purified vs. Distilled: The Unexpected Truth Every Humidifier Owner Must Know Before It’s Too Late!”

In a world where even a humidifier can become a source of chaos, one man’s cavalier approach to water choice leads him down a slippery slope of regret and poor air quality. Meet Greg Shulman, a local resident who innocently popped open the lid of his humidifier, blissfully ignorant of the upcoming showdown between purified and distilled water. Who knew that a simple decision would plunge him into a humid nightmare—which, if we’re being honest, is what most household mishaps feel like? As Greg wrestles with the fallout of his seemingly innocuous question, “How different could purified and distilled water really be?”, we’re left pondering: how often do we dismiss warnings only to face the music later? Spoiler alert: the answer is a lot. Get ready for a hilariously, if slightly gross, adventure into the not-so-thrilling world of home appliances gone awry! <a href="https://theonion.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/02/HowDifferentCanPurifiedNIBSPH.jpg”>LEARN MORE.

FOXFIELD, CO—As he näively filled the household appliance with little regard for the consequences of his actions, local man and humidifier owner Greg Shulman reportedly wondered Thursday “How different could purified and distilled water really be?” just seconds before entering a world of shit. “Those two words basically mean the same thing, and water is water right?” said Shulman, condemning himself to irritated breathing, reduced humidifier efficiency, and months slowly learning about all the minerals and impurities that were about to rock his fucking world. “They just put that stuff in the instructions as a precaution against people complaining for no reason. What’s the worst that could happen with some plain old water?” At press time, reports confirmed Shulman was smugly enjoying the newly moist air in his bedroom as the first strands of mold that would haunt him for years took hold on his humidifier filter.