Revealed: The Real Reason Ted Cruz Is Desperate for a Vacation Refund Amid Texas Crisis

Ever noticed how some politicians have a remarkable knack for missing the plot, even when a natural disaster practically drops it in their lap? I read this and couldn’t help but wonder—if empathy were an airline reward, would Ted Cruz have enough points to actually cash in? Texas is still soaked from last week’s floods, and while countless families are picking up the pieces, our senator is locked in mortal combat—not with nature, but with hotel concierges and customer service bots. Am I the only one who finds it tragically comedic that his definition of “making things right” involves retrieving lost vacation perks?

Just picture Ted, on hold with Capital One, fighting harder for a boat tour refund than he ever has in Congress . There’s something so uniquely American about our leaders being more invested in getting suite upgrades than in easing disaster relief . Are you not entertained? Take a deep breath (not just to keep from laughing)—this story’s got more luxury amenities than a Greek resort brochure. If you think your travel nightmares are rough, wait until you hear what happens when a senator’s loyalty points are on the line. LEARN MORE.

KERRVILLE, TX—Promising grieving Texans he would do everything in his power to make things right in the wake of last week’s deadly floods, Sen. Ted Cruz assured his constituents Wednesday that he was working tirelessly to get the rest of his Greek vacation refunded. “I have spent countless hours on the phone persuading Capital One to dispute the $1,000 charge for the private Santorini boat tour I had to miss,” said Cruz, seeking to comfort residents who lost homes and loved ones by revealing that he had relentlessly fought the Four Seasons in Athens to refund the cost of his room after his trip was tragically cut short. “This is indeed a dark day for Texas, but I swear to you, I am working nonstop to get United to waive the ridiculous penalty I had to pay to change my flight. I realize more than anyone that merely getting a suite comped for a future stay at the Mykonos Riviera Hotel and Spa cannot possibly begin to ease the pain of losing one’s cash. I promise you this: I will find a way to keep my loyalty points. Refund efforts are well under way.” At press time, a triumphant Cruz told Texans in an emergency press conference that he had been able to use his miles to get a great deal on a trip to Cabo.