RFK Jr. Exposes Shocking Truth: Nation's Antidepressants Flushed into the Water Supply

Here’s an introduction tailored to fit a humor blog post with an observant, timeless wit:

Ever since good ol’ Robert F. Kennedy Jr. decided to play plumber with the national psyche, dumping the masses’ antidepressants into the Potomac faster than you can say “Better living through chemistry,” we’ve had to ask ourselves — are we really all just that pampered by our little chemical helpers? Hands up, America, “cause RFK is telling us it’s time to face the headwinds of life without our pharmaceutical parapets! No doubt, he’s probably chuckling softly, his Kennedy smirk on full display, assuring us, “It’ll be bracing,” sort of like a slap across the face with government-issue toilet paper.

Cue the applause—or is that just the sound of 300 million stomachs churning over withdrawal?

If you’re curious to dive into why tossing away the pills is the new American dream, or if you just want to chuckle at the image of a 71-year-old Cabinet member frantically plunging in a futile effort to save the nation’s mental health, well, prepare yourselves, because this is one flush in history that’s about to get legendary… <a href="https://theonion.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/04/RFKDumpsNIBIHAGR.jpg”>LEARN MORE

WASHINGTON—Declaring that there was no better time for the U.S. populace to go cold turkey, Health and Human Services Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr. reportedly attempted to flush the nation’s antidepressants this week. “Listen, I found these in your medicine cabinet,” said Kennedy, the 71-year-old Cabinet member stunning Americans in all 50 states as he stood over the toilet flushing millions of prescriptions for fluoxetine, escitalopram, sertraline, and paroxetine down the bowl. “You don’t need these—they were only holding you back. Nuh-uh-uh, Vermont, no buts about it. Just push through the next few days, and you’ll see exactly what I’m talking about. If you still feel bad after that, try some fish oil. Trust me. Your life is about to be so much better.” At press time, reports confirmed Kennedy was frantically plunging the overflowing toilet.