RFK Jr.’s Shocking Birth Advice: The Surprising Substance He Wants in Your Home Birth Tub
Has anyone ever wondered what would happen if Gwyneth Paltrow’s Goop collided head-on with a Texas roadhouse? Well, buckle up, buttercup—because Robert F. Kennedy Jr. is here with a birth plan no one saw coming . As a guy who’s waded through countless SEO trends (and equally questionable health fads), I never thought I’d see the day when beef tallow would slide out from the back menu of paleo blogs and straight into America’s birthing tubs . Never mind essential oils or artisanal kombucha—Kennedy’s vision is of moms lovingly basting their newborns like a Thanksgiving roast, right there in the privacy of their grease-slicked living rooms . Is it satire? Is it revolutionary wellness? Or have we finally reached that singularity where common sense evaporates faster than a pot of hot drippings? Grab a towel—this story is about to get slippery . LEARN MORE
WASHINGTON—Touting the substance’s anti-inflammatory properties and high smoke point, Health and Human Services Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr. released a statement Thursday advocating for the use of beef tallow in home birth tubs. “Despite what the perpetrators of the medical-industrial complex would like you to believe, women have been giving birth in rendered animal fat for millennia,” said Kennedy, who argued that beef tallow lubricates the birth canal while slathering the infant in all the triglycerides the newborn will need to stave off autism. “There’s nothing more beautiful or natural than a mother and her baby slip-sliding around a birthing pool filled with greasy, organic animal by-product. So-called medical professionals insist that babies should be born in water or, worse, a hospital, but pure beef tallow is the way to go. Sure, tallow will go rancid faster than seed oils, but that just encourages Mom to push harder.” Later in the day, Kennedy tweeted his congratulations to a woman in Missouri who went viral after giving birth in the grease trap behind a local Steak ’n Shake.
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